Wedding Blues...

First let me say I am SOOOOOO looking forward to Sept. I am getting a new brother-in-law and my baby girl Peyton. All in the same month! It is going to be busy and exciting that is for sure.

BTW (I just have a feeling that Peyton will be here before the wedding on the 17th)

but

I am a little sad.

I always looked forward to the day my sister would get engaged and then married. I always pictured it in my head this way...

Right after she got engaged she would run home to show us all her ring and we would all be so excited and ohh and ahh over it. We would celebrate together.

I would be the matron of honor. Standing next to her. Her best friend.

We would go dress shopping and she would try on every dress in the store just so we could see. It would be a fun girl's day out.

I would help her with the plans. Picking out the flowers, cake, etc.

I would plan showers for friends and family.

It would be months of celebration.

Instead it has been this way...

She got engaged while I was out of town. I got a phone call after I already knew it was coming (thanks dad for the heads up). I didn't do very well at being excited. Honestly my heart was broken that I wasn't here and that she didn't care. I actually had to hold back tears so Craig's family wouldn't see.

I am the co-matron of honor. I love, love, love the other girl. I honestly do. It has nothing to do with that. It all has to do with me being her sister. I feel like we have gotten close over the past years and this makes me wonder...does she? Am I just not enough to hold the title on my own?

She and I never looked at wedding books together. She had already done that without me. The day we went dress shopping she didn't want to try anything on. it was actually a little sad. The only time she seemed happy that day was when she found "the one". I am glad I was there for the moment she found her dress. It brought tears to my eyes. I know I will bawl on the wedding day.

I have been going with her to meetings with the flower person and doing all of the calling for the catering. I guess I thought she would care more. She would be more excited about it.

She isn't letting me throw her anything more than a Pampered Chef party. What about the lingerie shower? I was really looking forward to doing that for her.

I guess I just made this out to be such an exciting time in my head. It just hasn't been what I always dreamed, but I guess nothing ever is.