Monday, January 24, 2011


It really has not sunk in yet that I am going to be a mommy. What has sunk in is the fact that I am going to walk this journey without my mommy.

I have only known about this pregnancy for 3 or 4 days now and have already had a couple of moments. I knew from the moment that I lost her that having a child of my own would be bittersweet. I knew this would be a challenging journey. I don't think I realized how much I would miss her during this time though. She is constantly on my mind.

I wonder what she would think about being a grandmother. I wonder what she would tell me about when she was pregnant with me. I wonder what advice she would give. I wonder so many things that I will never know.

I can only think that if the first few days have been this hard how will it be when I start to show, we see the baby for the first time on ultrasound, we feel the baby move. I can only imagine the emotions I will feel when I first hold this baby in my arms and look into their sweet face. I can only imagine that I will feel the same way my mom did when she saw me for the first time so many years ago.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Sweetie. I love reading your blog and the precious things you have to say about the miracle that is happening in your life right now. I, too, miss Marika so much right now. I know we would have LOVED sharing (again) some very special babies in our lives. Your mom did pregnancy very well. After the morning sickness disappeared, she was very energetic, did a lot of planning for the big day and was a beautiful, expectant mom. She always looked so pretty in maternity clothes because she was so tall and thin. And those long nails, always polished a dark color. We loved shopping for baby clothes and making sure everything was ready for when the baby arrived. Even though I only walked with her through Kady's pregnancy, we became friends only five months after you were born. So we bought LOTS of diapers, baby food and formula together. Marika loved being a mom, more than anything. I have sweet memories of rocking our babies together, playing in the floor with you and Aspen and strolling all four of you through the mall. We would sit for hours while you girls played at McDonalds.
    Many more memories to share with you as you walk through this wonderful season in your life. I love you and I'm so thankful we are all still connected because of your precious mom.