Postpartum

One thing I had underestimated was how difficult these first few weeks of mommyhood would be.

Going to the bathroom is an ordeal. There are so many "steps" to take care of with each visit. Once I am healed it will be a great relief! With a newborn demanding all your time it makes this extra frustrating.

Sleep! I knew we would be losing sleep, but I expected a schedule. I thought oh she will eat every 3 hours and will sleep the rest of the time. I can do every 3 hours! Yeah right! She may eat every 1, 2, or 3 and she doesn't just sleep! Sometimes she never sleeps!

My house is staying picked up only because I insist, but it needs a cleaning something terrible. Craig and I are going to have to figure out how to get that done! Now that we have a swing maybe we can put her in that and get it done. A clean house = sanity for me.

Emotions...I have never been an emotional person, so I didn't expect to have any depression. I never had any emotional times during pregnancy so I expected it to just all be normal. Not so! I have been terribly emotional. I attribute it to hormones and lack of sleep! I cry most evening/nights. I know Craig has to be tired of it. Yesterday he said "do you need to talk to someone". He is very worried about postpartum depression. Most of my sadness comes from loneliness. I miss my hubby. Even though he is here he is not here. He is with her or I am with her. We have her in our arms all evening so that leaves no room for the other person. With her in the middle of our bed we don't have that time either. It is a whole new life that I am adjusting too. Someone taking all our time and attention. I am also alone all day with no interaction with adults. I think it happens at night because I have had a long day and know a long, dark, sleepless night is ahead. I get emotional about the strangest things...coming home from the hospital, her due date passing, her growing up already. Prayer is definitely needed in this category for Craig and I both. The sadness is overwhelming at times and I know Craig doesn't know how to help. Really there is no way for him to help. It will just take time.

Mommyhood is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be, BUT I love this little girl more than I ever thought I could love someone. I am amazed by her daily. Like my dad said...it is amazing how quickly you get attached! I still can't believe she is mine :)