Friday, April 29, 2011

I had a breakdown today...

Today has been a crazy day, well actually the past few have been crazy. It is hard to put into words what we have experienced since Wednesday. We woke that morning at 5:45 to loud thunder and our power going out. We headed to dad's only to find them in the dark as well! About 3 that afternoon the power was restored, but that only lasted a little while. Around 7 the power went out again with the next round of storms. Dad was restored last night and us today.

What happened during the storms is that an F5 tornado spanning 1 mile wide crossed the entire state of AL. It devastated Tuscaloosa, Pratt City, Fultondale, and so many more. Driving through Fultondale it is unreal the devastation and to think how close to home it is.

God has brought the mission field to us.

Yesterday our church delivered hotdogs to those who lost their homes. Today I joined them and we returned to Fultondale Estates with BBQ sandwhiches, chips, and water. Tomorrow it will be burgers.

The people were so appreciative. Offering to pay or give a donation. It means so much to them and I don't feel like we are doing enough. I want to do so much more, but my body and my husband won't let me.

Tomorrow he will help cut trees and I will help serve again. We will do what we can for our neighbors in need.

Since words cannot do it justice, here are a few photos from today. Remember Alabama in your prayers.

Now for the breakdown...I dont know if it was from the stress of the past few days or what I saw today in Fultondale or the fact that I just picked up flowers for decoration Sunday or the pregnancy hormones. On the way home from Wal-Mart all alone in my car I had a major breakdown. Sobbing, tears, gasping for breath. The whole 9 yards. All I could think was I just want to tell her it's a girl! I just want her to know it's a girl.

I miss my mother all the time. I miss her more than words can say or actions can show. Going through this pregnancy so far I have only had a few "moments". I have a feeling they are going to get more and more frequent as I now know her gender, know her name, start to feel her, get her room, and her clothes, my home, my heart, my life ready for her. It hurts my heart to know Peyton will never know mom. She will never touch her or see her or hear her say her name. She will not know the woman she was. How much she would have loved to have granddaughter. I will never see her with my child.

I have known these things for as long as she has been gone, but now they are all becoming real to me.

This I know. I will tell Peyton about her all the time. I will show her photos. We will watch home videos together. She will know her. She will know her love through me. One day they will meet face to face. What a joyous day that will be. I can already see it now.

1 comment:

  1. Kristy,
    I know it's hard without your mom around. I can't even imagine the kind of pain it causes you every day and what it feels like to have that loss. I do know that your mom is in Heaven smiling down on you and she is SO proud of the amazing woman that you have become. I honestly believe that Peyton has been in Heaven with your mom enjoying time with her grandmother before her time with you. I hope that you see your mom in Peyton and know that she loves her to pieces. I know she will love watching home movies and hearing stories of your mom just like the rest of us do.
    I love you and I miss you. I can't wait to see you in June for your shower. I love you@@ Call me anytime.