Monday, October 4, 2010

Down a few more

My weight yesterday was 143.5!

Now on to more important things...

Today I had my second HSG. The other was in Shreveport almost 5 years ago. The results were the same this time as they were the last. Everything is perfect. It is so neat to watch the dye on the screen. There was a lot less cramping this time than there was last.
I have the greatest sister in the world. She took off this afternoon just to take me to the doc. I told her I would be fine but she insisted. We had a fun little outing to the doc.
My next test is an SIS, which I have never had, on Thursday. Sherry is going with me to that one. I thank God for my wonderful family!

Saturday is the Race for the Cure! We are going again as Team Marika. It is so special to honor and remember mom this way. This year we are 16 strong! We have raiser over $600! As much as I love race day...only to have one more day with her...I wonder what she would think of me now?

Biggest Loser-
I watch the Biggest Loser every season and I am touched by the stories, but never as much as this time. I don't know why but this season has rattled me. Maybe it is because I have made a change in my life. A change for the better. A change so that I will never be on the show. Maybe it is because the older man wearing green reminds me so much of my dad it terrifies me! As I watched him drop out the first day after 45 minutes I couldn't help but think my dad wouldn't have made it that long! I shed tears during that episode. I am sure there will be more.
I watched that on Thursday and on Thursday it was bothering me so much I spent all afternoon and evening talking to Craig about it. About how much it hurt me, affected me, bothered me, motivated me.
I wish there was some way I could give my dad my motivation. I wish there was some way I could make him see how much I love him. I wish I could let him know how much he means to me. I wish he could see how he affects me and my sister and so many more. I want him to want to lose weight. I want him to want to be here. Sometimes I think to myself, if I could only have a child, maybe that would make him want to be here. I just don't know what I can say or do to motivate him. I can't bring mom back. I can't drag him. I can't starve him. I can't do it for him. Oh how I wish I could. I would walk to the moon and back.


You are my first love. My forever love. I pray that you would see the light within yourself. The light that we all see and love. I pray that you would set it ablaze once more. I pray that you would want to be with us as much as we want you here. I know you can do it! I know you can! When God blesses me with a child I want you here to hold it, love it, spoil it. I want you to go on vacations with us. I want you to work alongside us in Jesus name. I want you to walk Kady down the aisle. I want you to live the life you were meant to live. Most of all I just want you! Mom couldn't stop the disease that ravaged her body and took her from us but you can! You can make the choice to live! You can do it daddy. I believe in you!


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